I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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