Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my being single is dangerous.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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