I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
porn star boner night. come get it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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