A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
