all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
