so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
