Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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