I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
