But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
