Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
