the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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