i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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