I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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