all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
