That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
