i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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