The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize