i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
