I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
