worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
