haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
