He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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