it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
