I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
