I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize