I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
