Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
