I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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