you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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