so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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