This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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