thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
