im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
