you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize