Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
