i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
