How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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