my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
