i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
