I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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