He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
