yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
