i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
