If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
