Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're like the curious george of whores
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
