I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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