Are we in a gay sports bar?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
