I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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