how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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