my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
