This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
