i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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