ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
