Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
