wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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