cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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