i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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