if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
