he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
