Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
