she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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