Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
