it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
