I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i think i just lost a toe
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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