Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
