I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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