Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
