RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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