I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Mom said you looked used
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
