We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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