hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
