I wish my penis had an off switch
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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