just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
