And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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