I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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