It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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